In many ways this blog is a journal of my personal, spiritual and professional life. Today something very personal happened...
You know, being able to connect with people, the way we can today, is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is we can find, and speak to people we've had a past with. The curse is, we can find and speak to people we've had a past with. This happened to me today.
I posted on Facebook the name of the first love of my life. Don't even know why I did this. Was it a God thing? Was it a sentimental Valentine's thing? All I know is, he responded back to me.
I was 18 when we met, and I gave him my very young and fragile heart. We had a special connection and I knew I was truly in love, even at that young age. He was a gifted artist and musician (what is it about musician's??). But there was something more he needed, something he was searching for that I could not give him, and one day he told me he was leaving. He was moving out of state. I remember the feeling of loss so well. But as in "Kelli Style," I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and kept moving forward. Never quite forgetting though...sometimes he would come back to me in my dreams.
Hearing his voice today brought a flood of emotion back (the curse part), feelings I thought I had dealt with, but now, not so sure. It seems he was holding on to some guilt for the way he treated me, and needed to apologize, perhaps he needed to hear I had forgiven him. That was easy. How can you not forgive someone you truly loved. Does God ever not forgive us?
For me, hearing how in some ways our lives have paralleled each others, makes me smile. He married not long after I did, and it seems his "Search" was for God, he gave his life to the Lord about the same time I did. He is still married to someone very special, and it's evident, she is, "The love of his life." He uses his "Musical gift," composing and performing, to serve God. This touched my heart more than anything. I don't think either one of us would have ever dreamed back in the 70's, that we would both give our lives to God and be serving Him today.
We've both made mistakes in our lives, but we both know one thing for certain, God's Grace is sufficient. The reminder of God's sufficiency in my life, and in the life of my first love, was my greatest Valentine's gift today.