Parisian's Pure Indulgence

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~ Joseph Campbell

What life plans are you attached to?  Have you ever felt yourself holding on so tight to how your think your life should look, that you miss opportunities that are put in front of you for something even better?

 There are many ways we hold on and resist change.  We waste energy by trying to control our life plans, relationships, or even our image.  By fighting change, we are insisting that life meet our particular demands, fulfill our needs and expectations.    

 Control is an illusion -- a tough lesson to learn.  Life is constantly bringing about change.  The more we try to control, the more we worry, become frustrated, depressed, and even bitter.  Letting go allows us the opportunity to surrender and even embrace change.  We say yes to infinite possibilities.  Freedom, and joy come, when we trust that things will work out as they are meant to, and give ourselves permission to let go of the outcome. ~ Kelli

 

Southern California Lifestyle Mantra

  by Doug Dobransky

 Most of us here in Southern California, came from somewhere else.  Knowing someone is a Native Californian makes me kind of sad for them.  They have no idea how phenomenal it was to have grown up here.  They don't understand 4 mile walks to school in the snow, or the frigid mornings when cars would not start.  My father actually started his car at midnight, letting it idle all night, to be sure he could get to work at 7am.  My small town had a 31 Flavors I am sure, but they only had one flavor.

When I am out and about, I overhear people discussing their eating habits, and being around Hollywood and So Cal all these years, I have overheard some normal sounding quotes that would leave Middle America in disbelief and hysterics.  In Beverly Hills, I overhead a homeless man telling a wealthy thin looking woman, that he had not eaten in three days.  Her reply was...."Well, I wish I had your kind of willpower."  At my fitness facility, a twenty something gal had mentioned that she might have bulimia, when the other simply said...."that's great".

I myself, while back east visiting family, became quickly aware of how serious eating is, and how it is more than life sustaining.  It is the main entertainment and activity, especially during the winter.  Because of this, quantities and calories are not really seen as concerns or health issues.  My stock answer while visisting, when asked to "sit down and we'll fix you a plate" is....."I ate yesterday."

My point to this idea here is simple.  People are highly influenced by their environments and peer groupings. Outside of Southern California, body image and health issues regarding fats, calories and quantity are not always seen as health or vanity concerns.

In one way, we might consider ourselves lucky to be around Hollywood, entertainment, and media, which seem to have a never ending supply of programming about treating your body with love and intelligence.  Eating healthy and eating less permeates the air around here, and good for us.  It's not working 100%, as you all can see, just by getting out and about, but we seem to at least try and stay aware of body image and fitness.  My back east peeps can't get enough red meat, bacon, hot dogs, and fried chicken, along with the doughnuts and pies.  And it shows.  It's not even on their minds to loose that 75 pounds or simply stop and change their life long habit of ingesting pizza and beers all night long.

At least the sun and the summer life here puts a little "healthy" pressure on all of us to keep in mind that as we age, our bodies don't like to work that hard.  They just don't like to do the work, and so those bodies go on a part time work schedule.

When they asked Cary Grant how is managed to stay so thin for his entire career and never have to crash diet for an upcoming film, he simply said...."I made food unimportant to me".  Now mind you, I don't want to do that, and most likely neither do you, but people, take a lesson there.
It is an intellectual decision to see food in various ways.  You can see it as beautiful and enjoyable, but also you can see it as love.  You can see the best foods for your body as loving yourself by rewarding your body with lean nutritious portions, rather than abusive quantities of fats, sugars and chemicals.  So think about intellectual eating philosophies. Adopt an eating philosophy that rewards the body which gets you through this fascinating life with love and smarts.  Use our Southern California lifestyle as your mantra.....

We're from Southern California, and it shows.

 

The Truth about Inner Beauty

OK, let's get one thing straight.  Inner Beauty is overrated.  Everyone knows it's way way better to look good than to feel good. OK, now that we have that straight.  I'm just sayin.  Had to get that disclaimer in.

Most of us are born average.  Average eyes, average teeth, skin, thin lips, one eyebrow all the way across, ears that stick out making us look like some V W Bug with the doors open.  Most of us go thru life early on figuring out that 2% of the women are hot and the rest of us will have......"Inner Beauty"  Thank God they made that up for most of us.  I like that someone made up the term "inner beauty" because it stops the inner pains I feel when I see Scarlette Johanssen types and can tell myself "but I have inner beauty". Yeah right.  Well, it always seemed like being invisible was just how everyone was, except those 2 per centers. They were really the freaks and not us. 

But you know....as life goes on, and we all get banged up with rejections, poverty, heartbreaks, job losses, deaths of family and friends, identity theft, and who knows what else, then we start to notice how people really are.  We start to notice other things that make us beautiful.  We start to appreciate and even love people who are kind.  People who are polite.  People who are on time.  Those people who put themselves second to the needs of others.  We start to see how sincerity in smiles and touches and honesty are things even more beautiful than 36DDs or full lips or lypo'd bellies.  We start to love people who possess compassion and empathy.  We find out that those inner beauty traits are what really make a woman beautiful, because life has beaten us up, and those who can make us feel well and loved do it with all those traits.  Inner Beauty traits.  Those are the things that make the 2 per centers ugly, because they are never on time or put themselves second to others.  No.  Not them.  They become un sexy.  They become....."high maintenance!"
There.  I said it. 
So inner beauty, as time goes on, becomes the real beauty.  Genuine.  Sincere. Trustworthy.  So girls.....never let it be said that inner beauty takes a back seat.  Inner beauty rules.
Even Christy Brinkley and Hallie Berry's men got tired of all that high maintenance.  Let's face it....they just didn't have inner beauty.
So next time you underrate inner beauty......don't.  It's money!

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Top 5 Beauty Blunders

Top 5 Beauty Blunders

1. Over use of foundation - Using too heavy or too much foundation results in exagerrated pores and fine lines.  

 

2. Peeling or picking off nail polish -   when you peel off nail polish it takes a layer of the natural nail with the polish--this causes thin, damaged nail.  The next time you apply polish, it won't last as long because you've weakened your nails.

 

3.  Ignoring your neck and chest - do you remember to use moisturizer on your face, but forget the neck and chest area--an area that may show our aging first?  Protect your decolletage by extending the use of Serums, exfoliators, and sunscreen to include this delicate area.  

 

4. Dirty Blush Brushes - using dirty blush brushes can clog pores and lead to breakouts.  Clean them often with a gentle shampoo.

 

5.  Over tweezing eyebrows - your eyebrows are the frame of your eye.  Over tweeze and your eye is not properly framed.  Many times the hair does not grow back.  It's best to have a professional maintain your brows!

What is your Love Language?

   All of us have a way we prefer to have love shown to us.  Some of us have more than one "Love Language."

  This Valentine's Day would be the perfect time to learn what your own Love Language is, and that of your significant other, and see how close you are to "Speaking" each others language.

Words of Affirmation- If this is your love language, you prefer words that let you know how your partner feels about you.  Compliments go a long way.  But hearing the reasons behind the compliment is powerful for you.  Insults can leave you shattered though.

Quality Time - Undivided attention or being there for you is crucial.  Really being there, with no distractions like computers, TV's, etc. say "I Love you" to this person.  Time away together makes you happiest.  You want to be heard, and are deeply hurt when you feel you are not being listened to.

Physical Touch - This language isn't all about sex (although very important).  If your primary love language is physical touch, you liked to be touched in many different ways.  Whether it's holding hands, a hand on your back as you walk through a doorway, a hug, or a slow dance, you thrive on touch.  They say "I care" to you.  A lack of physical touch can be impossible for you to live without. 

Acts of Service - You respond to the words, "Let me do that for you."  Being willing to help with responsibilities is your love language.  "I'll do the dishes tonight," makes you light up!  Broken commitments and making more work for you, disappoints and discourages.

Receiving Gifts - This doesn't necessarily mean diamond rings, but simple gifts that show thoughtfulness.  You feel cared about by receiving a gift or gesture that says "I was thinking about you when we were not together, and thought you would like this."  A forgotten birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's day, makes you feel neglected.

To read more about "The 5 Love Languages," click here.

My love languages are Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation.  What is your love language?

Agreement #4 - Always do your best

  I was taught at a young age to do my best.  I may not have always made that choice growing up, but I do now.  Taking care of my physical, spiritual, and emotional health are my priorities. Whether it's dancing, gym workout, giving back to my community, or re-reading a book like The Four Agreements, I believe in doing what is best to care for myself.  That way, I can give my best to others.

The Four Agreements suggests, "When you do your best you learn to accept yourself.  But you have to be aware and learn from you mistakes.  Learning from your mistakes means you practice, look honestly at the results, and keep practicing.  This increases your awareness."

"The first three agreements will only work if you do your best.  Don't expect that you will always be able to be impeccable with your word.  Your routine habits are too strong and firmly rooted in you mind.  But you can do your best.  Don't expect that you will never take anything personally; just do your best.  Don't expect that you will never make another assumption, but you can certainly do your best."

"Our best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when we are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

Your thoughts?

 

Agreement #3- Don't make assumptions

"Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions, and believe we are right about the assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption, because assumptions set us up for suffering" writes Don Miguel Ruiz.

Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems.  Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don't have to say what we want.  We assume they are going to do what we want, because they know us so well.  If they don't do what we assume they should do, we feel so hurt and say "You should have known."

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Clear communication with others helps to avoid drama and misunderstadings. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Have you ever made an assumption, and regretted it?

 

 

Agreement #2 - Don't take anything personally

The second agreement from the book, "The Four Agreements," is "Don't take anything personally."  I don't know about you, but this one is the toughest for me. Have you ever had someone tell you something that hurt deeply?   The problem is, most of us take criticism or rejection very personally. When someone says to us "You are …(fill in the blank), we may take it as the truth.  The reality is, what they say has little to do with us. 

Don Miguel Ruiz suggests, nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream (or perception of their world). When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. 

We don't have control over what others say, but we DO have control over how we react.  Getting angry and defensive is one way to react.  I try to remind myself, "this isn't about you, Kelli," it's about the other person.  The stress comes when we try to interpret what they are saying.  In actuality, what others say is coming from the agreements they've made with themselves.  If I think it's about me, then I personalize it, and receive what Don Miguel Ruiz calls, "The Poison."

 I believe it's okay to feel emotion, I don't want to become detached, but I want to be attached to healthy emotions more.

I'm growing in this area...how about you?

The Four Agreements--#1

  It's a new year and a new opportunity to take a look at lessons of the past year and agreements we'll make with ourselves for the new year.

  Three years ago, I read a book that change my life -- "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz.  It's called a guide to personal freedom. 

Agreement #1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don Miguel suggests this is the most important agreement and yet the most difficult to honor. "The word is a force; it is the power you have to express, communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life." 

Your word can also be a like a sword, capable of creating beauty and love, or of destroying both. The word is so powerful, it can change lives.  I remember when I first started my business, it was  the encouraging words of my friends and clients that spurred me on, helping my confidence to soar. Words can do that.  They can also tear away our confidence if we allow them too.  Read why, in the second agreement, "Don't take anything personally," next week.

What does being impeccable with your word mean to you?